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I just finished doing a major article critiquing for Bio and a hard freaking Chem Self Directed Lab and I am here with my laptop and my bed in this retarded bedroom I am renting for 8 months alone. 

Sometimes I feel sick of just staying away from people just listening to whatever on my Iphone that I hardly ever use. When I see people from school I feel jealous. How come they are so happy all the time, so bright, full of life and I am here staying away from them for no reason. i do not feel I am being excluded- I feel I am excluding myself from them for no reason. Maybe, it is all about the jealousy. I get envious very easy that I can not even look at my face at the mirror.

The place is not helping either not to mention my family. I do not know sometimes. Why I am so alone and far from people. My brother just told me to not to go home anymore, and he even told it in front of my Mom. I was so shocked and freaked out inside me because if my family does not even want me, then who do I have to lean on? I just whip out all my emotions out this tumblr? I was talking to my brother in the facebook chat and he was like “They said do not come home anymore” and I was like I am not coming home for you, I was home because we have to sign papers to renew our passports. That is fine, I have no home anyways. 

I am a strong person and I have a strong personality, but with all this frustrations I can not even say to anyone( because I do not have anyone in my life  right now) it just messes my mind. I can not even think straight during lectures. I just want to sleep and be free and be happy like everybody else. Guess what I will be one day. I’ll make those people that doubted my abilities to see me rise above them. I think my brother was a changed person and always mad at me, was excited that I left for school somewhere else from from him. That doesnt mean I do not care anymore. 

Does he not remember the times that we had nothing, no mom and no dad, we only had each other. Does he not even recognize what the books he’s reading right now for his English ISP are mine? And the test reviews for Data Management was mine last year. Or just that I am a part of the family and exclude me just like that? “Don’t come home here anymore? pssh You think I come home for you bitch no! not anymore Since you people ruined all my graduations, maybe i’ll ruin yours.  I’ll have my revenge soon, and revenge is best served cold. So who’s hungry?

Maybe I should talk more often and enjoy life and bring back what was mine. You think you can have all the house for your selves bitches. Let us just see after this year

New Phase…How am I going to catch up?!

They say it aint matter how many phases life throws at you, what matters most is that how you would catch up and “flow” with it. The only permanent thing in this world is change, and change, is what makes the world go round right now for me. highschool’s just ended and i feel delighted yet somewhat afraid ofthe changes it may bring to me and my family.

I am afraid of changes and I mean it. I dont want changes( thanks being scorpio really makes my day) and for me, it all happens too quickyly. I soon will move out and start a new life somewhere else. I am leaving Mississauaga and off to St. Catherines. Obviously, new people to deal with, new school, new time management, new environment to live in, new system to follow. I am thinking of the future and what would happen next.

Time and time again if it is worth soaring my brain for. Yes! because change can only bring me upwards. Up, closer to my dreams. I sound retarded right now and this is my first tumblr post so I’ll stop. I’ll make this tublr kinda like a blogger thing from now on. Peaceout…

                                                                                          -bluescorpio24